Another month gone....

Time is moving so incredibly fast lately. I blink and a weeks gone by. A WHOLE month(more than that actually) has gone since I last typed here(not that I'm the best at blogging often as you can tell) but what have I done with that month? Not much. I only lost 3 lbs because for 3 weeks I "maintained" my weight. Which totally sucks!!! I've been on and off sick and my stupid dr is a total idiot and even though I KNOW I'm depressed, when I told her that(actually it was the darn PA they keep giving me) she just told me that I was just tired. Um HELLO fatigue is a SYMPTOM of depression! :-P I've been through this before, I know myself! :( I hardly ever get a break from my daily "job" of being mom/wife/housekeeper/laundry-doer/dishwasher/cook/etc. I could go on and on! And of course I am feeling like I only have one person that I can even turn to (besides Jason) and that is when I want to get out to get "me" time. I am really thanful for her, she's an awesome friend, and truly helps me forget my problems for the time being and we just have fun together. I am having issues with my mom. She doesn't even realize it though. I really feel like I can't talk to her anymore about it. I miss MY mom. Who she was BEFORE.... When Isaiah was a baby. When she actually wanted to spend time with me and my kids. Or help me out. Lately it has just been empty promises though. On Christmas she told me that she would take the boys for a whole night and day because of how stressed out and overwhelmed I was feeling(and she knew it) because she had the next week off. Of course not. She didn't see them once during that time. :( I should have known. Jason told me not to get my hopes up, and I just told him "no this time will be different, she KNOWS I need this". But again nothing. She did watch them for a couple hours on Adam's birthday so Jas and I could go to his Christmas party for work(yes it was late) and she's picked Isaiah up probably about once a week to take him to the bus stop(she used to do it daily). And I mean I know she's got her own life and everything, but sometimes even the oldest girls need their moms, and I just feel like the woman that I call "mom" now isn't my mother. Just an old family friend or something. I feel like I barely matter to her. Me, and my boys, are just an after thought. I am going through a really rough time lately and I need my mom. I need her support, and help. And I have asked for help as much as I feel I can, with no answer. I really, REALLY wish my Grandma was still alive. Gosh I miss her...

Anyway now that I've gone on and on, I should get back to cleaning, God knows I've got a ton of work to do. :(