Mama's little blog

To Michelle-

2009-10-12T10:35:00.003-04:00

Dear Michelle-
I have started this letter so many times that I have lost count. At times I have been sad, missing you, well, missing the person I thought you were anyway. Other times I have been hurt, offended, angry, guilty, confused.... You name it. I wanted to send you the lyrics to many songs including which to bury, us or the hatchet, but after learning about how often you talked bad behind my back, everything you said about my own humiliating faults I am so desperately ashamed of that I don't want ANYONE to know about, all the love that I had once had for you is gone. I mean how would you feel if the things you hate most about yourself were put up on display, and you were made a mockery by the closest friend you thought you had? It saddens me that you felt as though you could not be truthful with me and that this was your only choice. It is quite obvious that you did not feel the way I did about our friendship, even though you put up a front that you did. I have prayed about what to say to you for some time now, and the only answer the Lord has given me is that I need to forgive you. In fact, minutes after a prayer for answers, I picked up my bible searching for what Jesus would do and he led me to The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant. Matthew 18:21-35. You should read it. That being said, I forgive you Michelle. As much for myself to move on as for you. I certainly wish you the best with your life and pray that you are able to see the wonderful things that God has given you. I am also praying that you once again open your heart to the Lord and let him lead you in all that you do.

God Bless you and yours,
Christy

I think you know what I'm getting at
I find it so upsetting that
the memories that you select
you keep the bad but the good you just forget
And even though I'm angry I can still say
I know my heart will break the day
When you peel out and drive away
I can't believe this happened

And all this time I never thought
That all we had would be all for naught

No I don't hate you, don't wanna fight you
Know I'll always love you but right now I just don't like you
No I don't hate you don't wanna fight you
Know I'll always love you but right now I just don't like you
Cause you took this too far, too far

Make your decision and don't you dare think twice
Go with your instincts along with some bad advice
This didn't turn out the way I thought it would at all
You blame me but some of this is still your fault

I tried to move you but you just wouldn't budge
I tried to hold your hand but you'd rather hold your grudge
I think you know what I'm getting at
You said goodbye and I just don't want you regretting that

No I don't hate you, don't want to fight you
know I'll always love you but right now I just don't like you
No I don't hate you, don't want to fight you
Know I'll always love you but right now I just don't like you

Wisdom always chooses
These black eyes and these bruises
Over the heartache that they say
Never completely goes away
Wisdom always chooses
These black eyes and these bruises
Over the heartache that they say
Never completely goes away

No I don't hate you, don't want to fight you
know I'll always love you but right now I just don't like you
No I don't hate you, don't want to fight you
Know I'll always love you but right now I just don't like you
cause you took this too far

What happened to us
I heard that it's me we should blame
What happened to us
Why didn't you stop me from turning out this way
And know that I don't hate you
And know that I don't want to fight you
And know that I'll always love you
but right now I just don't...

Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet - By: Relient K

Another month gone....

2009-03-06T10:15:00.002-05:00

Time is moving so incredibly fast lately. I blink and a weeks gone by. A WHOLE month(more than that actually) has gone since I last typed here(not that I'm the best at blogging often as you can tell) but what have I done with that month? Not much. I only lost 3 lbs because for 3 weeks I "maintained" my weight. Which totally sucks!!! I've been on and off sick and my stupid dr is a total idiot and even though I KNOW I'm depressed, when I told her that(actually it was the darn PA they keep giving me) she just told me that I was just tired. Um HELLO fatigue is a SYMPTOM of depression! :-P I've been through this before, I know myself! :( I hardly ever get a break from my daily "job" of being mom/wife/housekeeper/laundry-doer/dishwasher/cook/etc. I could go on and on! And of course I am feeling like I only have one person that I can even turn to (besides Jason) and that is when I want to get out to get "me" time. I am really thanful for her, she's an awesome friend, and truly helps me forget my problems for the time being and we just have fun together. I am having issues with my mom. She doesn't even realize it though. I really feel like I can't talk to her anymore about it. I miss MY mom. Who she was BEFORE.... When Isaiah was a baby. When she actually wanted to spend time with me and my kids. Or help me out. Lately it has just been empty promises though. On Christmas she told me that she would take the boys for a whole night and day because of how stressed out and overwhelmed I was feeling(and she knew it) because she had the next week off. Of course not. She didn't see them once during that time. :( I should have known. Jason told me not to get my hopes up, and I just told him "no this time will be different, she KNOWS I need this". But again nothing. She did watch them for a couple hours on Adam's birthday so Jas and I could go to his Christmas party for work(yes it was late) and she's picked Isaiah up probably about once a week to take him to the bus stop(she used to do it daily). And I mean I know she's got her own life and everything, but sometimes even the oldest girls need their moms, and I just feel like the woman that I call "mom" now isn't my mother. Just an old family friend or something. I feel like I barely matter to her. Me, and my boys, are just an after thought. I am going through a really rough time lately and I need my mom. I need her support, and help. And I have asked for help as much as I feel I can, with no answer. I really, REALLY wish my Grandma was still alive. Gosh I miss her...

Anyway now that I've gone on and on, I should get back to cleaning, God knows I've got a ton of work to do. :(

Bad day, bad mama

2009-01-28T02:05:00.002-05:00

I've been having a hard time with the kids the past few days. I am sure it's because it's winter and all, but they have been so full of energy all the time and so loud. I have also had to be dealing with them on my own most of the time because Jason's been sick. Then tonight I finally got out for the first time since Thursday, to the YMCA with my best friend for a little me time, which we then went to Martin's and to pick her daughter up. Her husband tagged along to the Y with us as well although he didn't work out at all with us, and just did his own thing. I get home feeling a little better, but as soon as my friend walked out the door I tried talking to Jason, about nothing in particular and he just snapped at me. Something about me being a cheater. I have been married to this man for more than 6 years now and have never ONCE done anything that could even be considered cheating. Most I've "done" is having old guy friends on my myspace and facebook that I don't even talk to! I am so upset. I don't deserve this crap from him. I haven't done anything wrong. At all. I don't deserve this lack of trust. I am so very tired of taking care of him and the kids all the time, rarely having any time left over for myself(unless I stay up way late, and by then I am exhausted so all I get is a few minutes here on the computer). I can take it anymore. I am working my butt off trying to get this weight off, but even with all the extra excersizing and eating healthy it still doesn't want to come off. I want to de-clutterize my house but every day is spent cleaning up random messes and picking up after everyone else just so my house doesn't look horrible. What would you do? I guess that's a pointless question.... no one will ever read this anyway.....

CHRISTMAS!

2008-12-21T01:38:00.002-05:00

Oh wow its been forever! Things have been SOOO busy since Isaiah started school. I feel like I barely have time to breath so I apologize for not writing more! JJ got his G-tube November 24th and started having his seizures the same day. He is now on Topamax and Phenobarbitol. They are very good at controlling his seizures (I haven't really seen any since we added the phenobarb). He's such a little lover, and we are still getting used to the timing schedule for the meds and so often he and I are the only ones awake in the late evenings which is extremely nice to get quality one on one time with him with out any one else bugging me. As for me I am doing alright. Pretty stressed right now because of the short amount of time before christmas. I have 8 more scarfs to make and although we are completly done christmas shopping, I am not getting ANY time to wrap the presents! I am terrified that I will have to be up all night christmas eve AGAIN getting the house organized and wrapping presents. As always it's pretty much left up to me 95% of the time! If I could just get them to leave for a while it would be easier. Of course, I just did ALL of our dirty laundry(we had it piled up in our closet! :( and wouldn't you know not even 12 hours after everything was done and put away the boys went into my closet and pulled all the clothes off my shelves. I got that all cleaned up AGAIN(crying the whole time, to no avail). Then today(well I guess with the time it was yesterday) I went into Noah and Adam's room to get Noah's Jammies out and on him and what do you know, there are clothes ALL OVER THEIR FLOOR! They pulled the clothes out of the dresser! I don't even know what to do anymore. I mean COME ON! WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?! Hello I am on a time crunch as it is! *sigh* it is not only things like this with those 3 that are driving me nuts. What is up with them not listening to me lately?! I mean they were doing SOOO well for a while. Its like they honestly don't want anything for christmas. I am so tempted to give them 1 toy a piece and make sure they SEE that the rest of the toys they would have gotten go to a children's shelter or something like that. I won't be doing that but I am SO tempted to. They make me furious. They have absolutly NO respect for me, my rules or all the hard work I put in to taking care of them and the house! :(Anyway thanks for letting me vent, I really needed to! I guess thats what this blog is for, venting!

WOW

2008-08-18T23:43:00.003-04:00

Ok so I know its been FOREVER since I've written here, and thats partly because what has gone on since the last time I wrote is very hard for me to sit down and think about(let alone write about it). Plus we've been crazy busy. First off, we found out in April that JJ has Lissencephaly, a rare brain disorder. Our world came crashing down the day we found out, as if this year has not been hard enough. Then in May we almost lost our car, and in June we almost lost our house. I thank God for all the help he's given us to get past these obstacles, and also I've started to come to terms with JJ's condition. I've realized that in more ways than one it is somewhat of a blessing. He will never disappoint me, all his gains have and will make me SO proud of him, and the negative sides to this disorder, well, I know there will be times(and there have already been times) where I am SO angry and frustrated with it, but that is in no way JJ's fault, and I was/am/will be frustrated FOR him not BECAUSE of him. He loves kisses. Have I shared that? Every kiss gives us a big grin, a coo or laugh and lots more kisses in return. And he's so happy. He doesn't realize that he's not like his brothers, not yet anyway. He's just happy to be played with. I feel so blessed by that little boy, and am SO lucky to have his sweet innocence in my life. He is amazing and every accomplishment never ceases to amaze me. Anyway thats whats been going on in my neck of the woods. Jason had last week off for vacation and it was fair week so we had a pretty good time. Here's some recent pics:

Josh Turner Concert:
http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AbNGTNw3btmL1g
Fair Pics:
http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AbNGTNw3btmL3o

Wow its been awhile!

2008-03-22T13:46:00.000-04:00

Ok so my life has been a bit hectic lately what with all the appointments and everything I've been having to drag the kids to! So ok update time!
First I'll start with the kids!

Isaiah has ADHD. Were dealing with that without meds for now(I mean he's not even 5 yet so I don't want to be medicating him already...) That's whats going on with him....

Adam has an "innocent heart murmur" basically they can just hear the blood moving in and out of his heart. Its not serious.

Noah has been so sick this past month! First a cold, then bronchitis, then a UTI(which is uncommon in boys I am told, so he had to give a urine sample yesterday and they want to do an x-ray on his bladder, and an u/s on his kidneys, UG!) Then he had a virus, which his poor little body had an allergic reaction to, a TERRIBLE rash. And we found out Thursday that he has Pink Eye! *sigh*!!! Poor little guy!

JJ is doing better! He's about 12.5 lbs now, YAY! And he's been going to PT, OT and SLP every week which is helping SO much with his development. I saw him smile for the first time last week, and he's been doing it non-stop since. He's also cooing up a storm! YAY! I know, not a big deal for a normal 5.5 month old, but since its been so long in coming I feel like a miracle has happened. :) He's going in for an MRI April 9 and getting blood work done to try and figure out why he has such a big delay. Yes he was 1 month early but he is about 3 months behind, so they feel this was not caused by being born a month early. He was small even in utero so it is most likely something else. But for the time being he's doing great, we are happy just to see progress! :)

Jason and I are doing pretty good, he's been a great support, as has my mother and MIL with all these appointments we've been having to go to they've been taking JJ or watching the kids. :) I've also been going to some parenting classes, and it has helped me to get my boys back under my control, YAY! No longer is my house total chaos every minute! We have spurts of chaos here and there but I am not so overwhelmed anymore!!! I've missed you guys, talk to you soon!!

Map game.

2008-02-17T23:41:00.000-05:00

presented by TravelPod, the World's Original Travel Blog ( A TripAdvisor Media Network member )

FUN :)

Consequences

2008-02-07T00:04:00.000-05:00

Music is in my heart, When I am feeling angry or sad or happy or in love I LOVE expressing it in songs... These songs are NOT by me, but they are how I am feeling. Thanks for listening. :)

Relient K
"I So Hate Consequences"
And I’m good, good, good to go
I got to get away
Get away from all of my mistakes
So here I sit looking at the traffic lights
The red extinguishes the hope that the green ignites
I want to run away I want to ditch my life
Cause all of my mistakes keep me awake at night
And after all of my alibis desert me
I just want to get byI don’t want nothing to hurt me
I had no idea where my head was at
But if my heart says I’m sorry can we leave it at that
Because I just want for all of this to end
And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense isConsequences
Oh God, don’t make me face up to this
And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is
Cause I know that I let you down
And I don’t want to deal with that
It just now hit me this is more than just a set back
And when you spelled it out, well, I guess I didn’t get that
And every trace of momentum is gone
And this isn’t turning out the way I want And after all of my alibis desert me
I just want to get byI don’t want nothing to hurt me
I had no idea where my head was at
But if my heart says I’m sorry can we leave it at that
Because I just want for all of this to end
And I spent all last night
Tearing down
Every stoplight
And stop sign in this town
Now I think there might
Be no way to stop me now
I'll get away despite
The fact I’m so weighed down
All of my escapes have been exhausted
I thought I had a way but then I lost it
And my resistance was once much stronger
And I know I can't go on like this much longer
When I got tired of running from youI stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, “I miss you son. Come home”
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was mine
The love I’d wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so’s
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you
And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is
I hate these consequences
Because I know that I let you down
Now I don't wanna deal with that

Shot through the Heart

2008-02-06T23:36:00.000-05:00

I've been hit by a huge blow and I don't know what to do about it. I'm hurting and all anyone can say is how this is all my fault. Don't you think I know that? It KILLS me that I did this to myself, my family, my boys. They are my whole world. I need them and they need me. But yet I keep getting told that I caused this. I keep getting asked why I didn't ask for help. I did. But apparently it was to the wrong person. Why is it that my friends are the only support that I have? And they aren't even here. Jason is a support, but he's hurting as much as I am right now too. Gosh I feel like I just need a hug and does any one even THINK what I'm going through. Its killing me. Weighs on my soul. Just Praying the situation changes soon. Even if you don't know what in the world I'm talking about, if you pray, please pray for strength for Jason and I to get through this, and for the situation to get better fast. Thank you.

God bless you all.

SO frustrated

2008-01-22T00:55:00.000-05:00

What do I do to deserve this? I thought I was a good mom, loving to my kids, yet disciplining them as well. I can't take this frustration any more. My oldest 2 kids WILL NOT go to bed worth a darn for me. And every morning I go in their room is some kind of evidence that they've been up out of their beds and in the kitchen during the night. Food everywhere. Clothes pulled out of the dresser, dirty from food. How do I make this stop? I have tried SO very hard with this. There is nothing that will get them to go to bed like they should and I don't know what to do. I'm losing my mind because of it. WHAT DO I DO! I don't allow them food in their room during the day, so what on earth makes them think that in the middle of the night when they should be sleeping that they can get up and get whatever kind of food they want out of the fridge and pantry? They are NOT hungry, I mean come on we had dinner about 1.5 hours before "bed time" which means NOTHING to them. I'm so frustrated and tired and SICK of dealing with this. Why is it so hard, and WHY ON EARTH if having 2 kids who behave this way makes me so crazy, did God decide to pile 2 more on top of those 2? I seriously feel SOOOOOOO STUCK. And I don't know where to go from here.

"Be My Escape"
I’ve given up on giving up slowly,
I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity
and I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.
I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity
and I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.
I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave
Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity
and I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.
I fought You for so longI should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You
So were You

My latest project

2008-01-20T19:58:00.000-05:00

Here's my latest project, I have it listed on Ebay right now. I'm hoping I can start making things to sell on there cause we need the extra money. I designed this myself, I hope you like it!

Will things ever look up?

2008-01-18T00:52:00.000-05:00

Ok so we're doing good with JJ's weight, he's now 8 lbs 9 oz and 21.5 in long. But here we go around in circles about money AGAIN! We are probably going to have to let our car go back to the bank as it is a huge expense every month that we just can't afford anymore. We were just barely breaking even when Jason was working for the moving company and here we are a few months after being laid off with them and making about $230 less a week than then. I could just go crazy. I think if we don't start making more I'm GOING to go crazy. Jason NEEDS a job with good benefits (which this one does) that will pay him what he deserves to be paid. There is NO reason that he should be having to work from 6 am till 6 pm and only bringing home$500 or less a week! I could cry I'm so freaking upset! WHAT are we going to do?

Some new pics of JJ

2008-01-15T19:25:00.001-05:00

Feeling SOOO guilty

2008-01-15T19:18:00.000-05:00

Gosh I'm feeling guilty tonight. I feel as though I caused a chain of events that in the long run hurt someone that I really care about. I never thought that what happened for me to "cause" this would have happened, nor did I realise that because of what happened, which was good, a blessing, would come such hurt from someone else to someone else. Ug I hate being vague, but I don't think its fair for me to talk about others behind their backs, when, even though it severly upsets me, its not really my buisness. Even though I feel like I caused it! :( It makes me physically ill.

Finished my latest project

2008-01-14T15:59:00.000-05:00

Ok so I've been working on this since before the little german girl's due date(which she was 10 days late for!) and I just now finished it! I hope her mom loves it and I think its adorable, I wish I had a daughter! Here's a couple pics, one of it before the sleeve's were added, and one after it was completly finished. Hope you enjoy!

Sick

2008-01-11T19:59:00.000-05:00

Ug I HATE being sick! I've been sick for a few weeks! And I'm so tired. I'm praying that I'm not pregnant, although I really don't feel like I am, I think its just the flu(this week) the other weeks I had a head cold and upper respiratory and sore throat. Now its just my tummy. Oh and my ears are plugged, which I can't stand! I've not been working on much lately but I have been reading a book. Of course its by my all time favorite author, Nicholas Sparks and is called A Bend In The Road. So far its very good(I'm up to chapter 9) but then again so are all his books! I have all of them except the newest one, The Choice, but unfortunatly I never get a chance to read, so lately while I've been breastfeeding I'll read either that, my new preemie book, or my 1-2-3 magic book(it works!) Anyway I don't have much to say tonight just thought I'd let you know how I'm doing. Have a great night!

Wouldn't you know it

2008-01-04T23:53:00.001-05:00

I was just looking back at my last post, and sure enough something terrible did happen the 13th. My baby was diagnosed with Failure to Thrive and my dr called CPS on me because of it. (apparently its "mandatory" when a baby is diagnosed with FTT, according to the CPS worker, but that is BOGUS!) Anyway since then baby JJ is doing better, he's up to 7 lbs 12 oz now which is great compared to the 6 lbs 4 oz on the 13th. BUT dr still thinks he has reflux, which is something that I can handle, at least I know now and have proof(I've documented his feedings for about 3 weeks) that its NOT because of mama feeding him. Still feeling overwhelmed though, because I've been sick and when I start to kick one thing the next thing takes over! Right now I have a head cold, cough, infected arm, and ear infection. YUCK! And we all know that ear infections make me incredibly dizzy! That off center of balance or whatever. Anyway I better get to bed, I have the families first lady coming tomorrow PLUS her supervisor so I've go to get some things cleaned up tomorrow before they come and I need my rest to do that! Thanks for listening! I need to try to blog more often than I am! I'll leave you with a picture of the quilt I made for a beautiful little German girl who was born in December. :)

More than overwhelmed

2007-12-12T01:40:00.000-05:00

As I tiredly sit here almost asleep yet not wanting to go to bed and give up my only alone time, I'm feeling more than overwhelmed. My house.... rather my boys bedroom, is trashed. The rest of my house is just messy. I have a lady from infant support services coming at noon tomorrow... scratch that, today, and EVERY time that I get this overwhelmed something TERRIBLE happens. I am so alone. I've got 4 platefuls to deal with and not 1 extra hand to help me carry them. I'm giving this to God. He alone can deal with it, I can't. I have Anne helping me, but she is just a friend. Not family. I need the help and love of my family. I've cleaned the entire kitchen tonight, and that made me feel somewhat better. But then I went to check on the boys sleeping and AGAIN its a total disaster. I'm so tired of cleaning it everynight for an even bigger mess to show up right after. :( I will leave you with the only thing that is making me feel better at the moment....

I could sing of your love forever - Delirious

Over the mountains and the sea,
Your river runs with love for me,
and I will open up my heart
and let the Healer set me free.
I'm happy to be in the truth,
and I will daily lift my hands:
for I will always sing of when
Your love came down. [Yeah!]
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever. [Repeat]
Oh, I feel like dancing -
it's foolishness I know;
but, when the world has seen the light,
they will dance with joy,
like we're dancing now.

High of 75 - Relient K

We were talking together
I said, "what's up with this weather?"Don't know whether or not
How sad I just got
Was of my own volition.
Or if I'm just missing the sun
And tomorrow, I know,
Will be rainy at best.
And the forecast, I know,
Is that I'll be depressed.
But I'll wait outside
Hoping that I'll catch sight of the sun.
[Chorus:]Because on and off,
The clouds have fought
Their control over the sky
And lately the weather
Has been so Bi-polar
And Consequently so have I
And now I'm sunny with a High of 75
Since You took my heavy heart
And made it light
And its funny how you find
You enjoy your life
When you're happy to be alive
[Chorus]
And the temperature is freezing
And then, after dark,
There is a cold front sweeping
In over my heart
And we might break up
If I don't wake up to the sun
[Chorus]
Sunny with a High of 75
Since You took my heavy heart
And made it light (made it light)
And its funny how you find
You enjoy your life
When you're happy to be...Alive

Feeling "Stuck"

2007-12-10T01:58:00.000-05:00

Ok so JJ is now 2 months old. Wow that has gone fast. But his weight gain hasn't. And I'm feeling just a tad stuck in the middle right now, with him. He's this sweet little baby and I love him more than anything, but what I'm feeling stuck about is where he should be. He was born at 36 weeks, and because of this is considered a preemie, but because he had no health problems, not even jaundice, I feel really guily calling him that. I mean there are so many mommies out there that have preemies who are fighing for their lives and here I am with a healthy baby(aside from his low birth weight) and I'm in the same catagory? But yet he also doesn't fit in the same catagory as a full term baby either. He's not gaining weight like he should he's not smiling or cooing like a normal 2 month old baby would and I'm just feeling so stressed about everything. I WANT him to be normal, whether its a normal preemie or a normal FT baby, but he's not really. He's in a catagory all by himself and I wish I had someone to talk to about it to see how their 36 week old preemie is progressing or did progress. I've got too much stress on my plate! Anyway have a great night!

A bunch of projects

2007-11-28T12:27:00.000-05:00

I figured I should probably update and show some of the things I've finished recently! So here they are!

Pacifier tethers

Baby sweater

Baby Hat

Drawstring Bag

Scarf # 1

Scarf #1

Scarf #2

Scarf #2

Scarf #3

JJ and his blanket!

2007-10-28T16:42:00.000-04:00

I never shared pics of the blanket I made JJ so I thought I would today! Also I have to share some pictures that I took of him this afternoon too, Since he is SO cute!

JJ IS HERE!

2007-10-25T00:12:00.000-04:00

OPPS I haven't posted on here in well over a month! Well JJ is here now! He was born 4 weeks early on Monday October 8th! He's a sweetie pie! I just typed up his birth story so here it is!

Ok let me start at the beginning... As you know, Jason is a truck driver. Well he had been off since the last weekend in August and was going to be leaving on Saturday 9/29 to go to Florida for a week. Well since he had been off so long his cousin who is his "helper"(they move furniture) had gotten another job and wasn't able to go with him. So Friday Jason begged me to go with, he was only going to be gone for 10 days and we'd be back for my next ob appointment. He was really nervous to drive that far by himself. SO I gave in and we all went with him... He unloaded his truck Monday 10/1 and Wednesday 10/3 and we were headed to his brothers house to visit them(one of the 2 reasons I agreed to go, we'd get to visit his brother and SIL). Well about 1 hr before we got to their house I went potty and had lost my mucous plug. I wasn't worried about it, I've lost them before weeks before I've had the babies. Anyway we finally get to their house and I stood up and I felt a little trickle down my leg(was wearing shorts). I thought I had just tinkled on myself as it wasn't a gush at all, and I really had to go(again!) So I went inside and went potty and my shorts were pretty wet. I was a little more than freaked by then. So I changed everything and went out to visit with my SIL and every couple of minutes I felt another trickle so after about 10 or 15 minutes I went to the bathroom again and my pants were soaked. So I changed once more and then went and told my SIL that I needed to go to the hospital.(I had been telling Jason, but he was really scared and didn't want to say anything to them... MEN!) So they took me in and sure enough my water had broken. Well the hospital that they took me to didn't have a L&D so I had to be taken to the next nearest hospital in an ambulance. While I was in the ambulance my blood pressure dropped to something like 60/40 and they had to rush and get an IV in. I guess JJ had been laying on my aorta. Well we finally get there and I told the dr my due date was 10/29 and I was 36 weeks 2 days. Well this dr didn't believe me and wanted to make sure so he called for my ultrasounds. The only one he got was my 3rd one from August and that had my due date as 11/08 so he said I'd have to wait a week and a day to have him. The next day I begged him to get my first ultrasound from April and to talk to my dr, I mean why would he go by my LMP if the u/s showed it that far off? Well he got that first one and said my due date should actually be 11/5, which was a week after my original due date, and only 3 days until I'd be able to have him. I was happier to hear that I'd only have to wait 3 days instead of 6. So After the most painful c section I've ever had Jason Allen, Jr was born @ 8:11 am on Monday, October 8th. 4 weeks early and 2 weeks before my scheduled c section. He weighed 5 lbs 4 oz and was 18.5 inches long. That week in the hospital was the longest week of my life! We came "home" to my BIL and SIL's house on Wednesday evening, and got home to Michigan on 10/18. Aside from the circumstances surrounding his birth, it was my easiest pregnancy AND recovery!

Here is a pic!

One more done!

2007-09-05T14:09:00.000-04:00

Well I finished the last in my "baby blankets for others" 'series' LOL(NO I AM NOT TAKING CREDIT FOR ANY PATTERNS, JUST THE WORK I DID TO MAKE THE BLANKET!!!!!)

I finished it last night and got it mailed off today, along with the set of booties, hat and scratch mits! I hope my baby shower partner likes them!!!

Anyway I hope that you like them, but more importantly I hope that my babyshower partner likes them!!! :):):)

Another baby blanket done AND another "outfit"!

2007-08-31T14:59:00.000-04:00

Well I've only got one more blanket before my own for JJ to get done since I finished my cousins yesterday. Here are some pics, I hope that you like it.!

And here is the new onzie I got JJ! Its so cute, I just love it!!! :)

And another baby blanket is finished

2007-08-27T01:03:00.000-04:00

Ok so I'm not going to write much, as I am VERY tired and need to get to bed. We were gone to SB all day today after church and I feel as though I've been going and going. But anyway I finished yet another baby blanket today, 3 down, 3 to go. Anyway I hope that you like it!

OH! I also got JJ's coming home outfit(I think!) yesterday. So here's a pic of that as well!

Another baby blanket is finished, plus U/S Pictures.

2007-08-11T12:43:00.001-04:00

Here's a couple pics of the baby blanket I finished for Jennifer's little boy. It is supposed to look like his old on, although mine is more square and that one is more rectangle. Jennifer picked out the color! :)

Original blanket, that I was trying to replicate

Here are 2 ultrasound pictures of baby JJ Thought you might like to see!!

BIG NEWS and My latest crochet accomplishment

2007-08-07T22:20:00.000-04:00

First of all I wanted to share that we found out what baby number 4 is yesterday and guess what??

Yes thats right, ANOTHER boy. I want a little girl so much, but you know I am already getting used to the idea of another boy and have already started working on a blanket for him. He will be named Jason Allen, Jr. and we'll call him JJ for short.

In other news I thought I'd share the baby blanket I finished last night for Jennifer's baby girl so here it is:

Have a great night everyone!

27 weeks and missing my hubby

2007-07-30T21:50:00.000-04:00

I'm 27 weeks today and Jason left tonight AGAIN. No not that kind of "left". He's a truck driver. He just got home on Friday night around 11 pm and he left today(MONDAY) around 5:30 PM. I got 2 days with him after he was gone for 2.5 weeks. I can't do this anymore! I need him here with me sleeping in my bed next to me nightly! And off every weekend! If anyone knows of any local jobs that pay $23.25 an hour or more, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I could just scream!!!! I'm so bummed. And tired. I have to go clean the house, and get something to drink. Talk to you soon.
Christy

2007-07-20T13:35:00.000-04:00

I'm loving my Grandmother's Flower Garden Afghan.... Here is my progress so far!

I LOVE PSYCH!

2007-07-20T12:13:00.001-04:00

Play this game, its fun!

Hello

Pics of the kiddos!

2007-07-16T23:15:00.001-04:00

I finally got the cord for my camera so I wanted to share some pics of the boys... here's the link!

share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AbNGTNw3btmLkg

TOO HOT!

2007-07-09T18:24:00.000-04:00

My kids are driving me crazy! AHHHH! It is so hot today that our air isn't doing its best job, even though we just got it fixed(It doesn't help that I've been running the dryer all day either!) Plus everytime that I have let the munchkins go outside they have stripped! AHHHH! It's driving me crazy! I'm exhausted and can't find the darn dust pan! My room is a mess because as I have been cleaning the kitchen/living room and other rooms in the house, The kids have been playing in my room all day watching their "disney channel" Anyway I am so tired so I think I'm gonna go relax and crochet!

Its just a GRRRRR Day!

2007-07-08T13:50:00.000-04:00

I am SO frustrated right now! Some how someone got ahold of my husband's credit card number and has charged over $120 on it! I'm not sure how they got his number, he rarely uses it for anything and never uses it online or over the phone. We are low on money right now due to buying the house and having to pay for both of the cars license tabs and getting new insurance that we had to put money towards..... I am going to scream! We got one of the companies where the card was charged to give us our money back but its still only a little over half, and to be honest, I need that money(it will take at least 2 buisness days to be back in our account though! GRR!) I am so tired of taking hits all the time, from every angle! AHHHHHHHHHH! We were told by our bank that we needed to file a police report and when the 2 officers got here they were very rude even told us that they could give us a ticket for Jason having parked in our grass, which he wouldn't have done if the jerk of a cop didn't pull up all the way(they got to our house RIGHT after we got home and Jason backed the Envoy up to the front door to make it easier to bring in the groceries!) They kept saying how tired they were of making reports like ours, but WTH? Its your job! And how do you think we feel, do you think we LIKE having someone steal money from us? um NO! OH!!!!! And to top it all off our water heater is leaking and we have to have someone come out here and repair it which will cost another $50(Thank GOD for the home warrenty though because other wise we'd have to pay a lot more) but they are dragging their feet telling us that its not an emergency, yadda yadda yadda, but when the paint on the opposite wall of where it is leaking from starts bubbling up and you poke it with a knife and water comes out, I'm sorry but HELL YES it is an emergency! I don't want to have to replaces walls and possibly floors due to the damage that it can cause! Last night they told us that they would have some one out here today, just have Jason call in the morning, and now they are trying to jerk us around saying that its not an emergency just shut your water off. Ok well what the heck am I supposed to do, I have 3 kids and NEED the water to be on, so therefore we do NEED you to come fix it! And now they are telling us that they may not get out here until Tuesday or Wednesday?!?!?! AHHHHHHHH!!!!! I am so fed up with people like this right now! AHHHHHH! Ok I just HAD to vent!

Wow

2007-06-30T22:30:00.001-04:00

Its amazing to me that ONE person can make you rethink yourself. And not in a good way. I am a good person and yet one comment from a person that supposedly cares about me breaks my heart. And NO I'm not talking about my husband. He is my confidant and my supporter. He loves me unconditionally, which is an amazing way to love someone. Its the same way I feel about him. This other person though, I have been disappointed by before and now just plain hurt. I don't even know how to describe it, I'm so hurt. This person SHOULD know me. Should know how much I care. And the fact that they don't is a smack in my face. Worse even. You know I did ask if they had plans on their "special day" because if they didn't Hubby and I were going to grill out for them. But God forbid I didn't call until 1 pm(thats not late at all if you ask me) and they were spending their "special day" with some people that I won't have anything to do with, and they know that. I'm sorry that I don't have all the money in the world to get a gift, Its a very hard time for my family right now, because we just bought a house. I am so hurt and I don't want to go into it much more than that, but I had to get this out. I was afraid to tell hubby because I KNEW he would react the way he did which is to be my protector and call this person and give them a piece of his mind.(This would just cause the rift that has formed to get bigger) Anyway sorry for being so vague, but to go into more detail wouldn't be right on my part. God bless you all.

All Moved in and some sharing

2007-06-21T21:54:00.000-04:00

WE ARE ALL MOVED IN!!!! YAY!!!!

I thought I'd share some things that I recently crocheted. Enjoy!

Life

2007-05-23T23:28:00.000-04:00

Wow.....
Life has hit me pretty hard today. I am feeling so crappy about everything thats going on that I just want to run away. Got the papers today. Court date JUNE 1. Jason was supposed to be home June 3, so he wouldn't be home for it anyway. But now I find out he won't be home until June 20 or later if he keeps getting loads. If thats the case it will have been more than a month that he will have been gone. Plus I will have to pick out a house and do all the darned moving all by myself. I am SO angry right now. I think I have the right to be though. I mean I thought with the papers and all the other bills we have it couldn't get any worse. And now Jason won't be home, which is just as bad. That also means that he misses his son's 4th birthday. Please pray that this situation will all work out. Thanks so much!!!

Dreams

2007-05-20T11:50:00.000-04:00

Ok I have been having CRAZY dreams lately! Last night I had a dream that The baby fell out of me! And he was a Normal size baby(well around the size of my other kids when they were born) but he was only 17 weeks gestation, so I pushed him back in! And I don't know that I am having a boy(YET, LOL) but in my dream it was a boy that looked just like Noah! So anyway I called the dr and she just told me, Oh that's normal, try to keep him in as long as you can! LOL! I was freaking out though!

Long tiring day

2007-05-19T11:21:00.001-04:00

Well My mom was supposed to watch the boys for me today, but that ended up falling through, I thought it might due to what she had already had going on. I am feeling somewhat depressed, as the boys were out of hand today and I really needed a break from them. Plus I am missing Jason terribly he has been so sweet lately, and I just want to sit in his lap and cuddle. He's such a great husband. I mean we have our moments but he treats me like a queen most times. I really wish he had a different job though because I need him home with me! I can't wait for us to get a house, I think I will feel more relaxed about things when we have more space and I can put a room between myself and the kids when needed. Plus right now we have almost no yard and the street is right there, and I am scared the boys will run out into the street and everything. Isaiah was so well behaved yesterday so I think that might mean that because he's getting older he knows he better listen to Mom. Any way I am exhausted (and I got a little color out in the sun at mom's today so my face feels really dry!) have a great night and rest of the weekend!

Some Quizzes

2007-05-17T22:53:00.000-04:00

What will your baby look like? (pix included)

Red-Head
The red-head gene is quite dominant to most all hair colors so you can look forward to a carrot top! Carrot top babies are easily pointed out in a crowd because there are so few of them but they are all adorable! Your baby will most likely have fair skin, blue eyes, and a long line of freckles (but only when they get older!) You can look forward to a beautiful child.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

GREASE(the movie test)

A TRUE GREASE FAN
YOU KNOW ALL THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT GREASE. YOU'VE WATCHED THE MOVIE OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What kind of candy are you?

Gummy Bears
Fun, cute, and colorful - everyone loves to be around you!

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

Crappers!

2007-05-17T16:08:00.000-04:00

Well found out yesterday after my post that we aren't able to get that house like I had originally thought unless we add $8,000 to our loan. Um No thanks! SOOO our realtor is getting back to me later today with some other houses around here... UG I am really tired of this process already! My boys are driving me insane, I want Jason home NOW! I miss the big goofy butt! I'm working on a rug right now. Not sure for who or what, but I wanted to try out the new pattern book I got so I am making this. Its pretty, I like the color combo!

FINALLY!

2007-05-16T11:38:00.000-04:00

Ok so "finally" goes towards a lot of things.... I finally was able to log back into my account, it was acting up so bad! And Also we finally are going to buy a house! We put the offer in tomorrow, but we kind of already know that they are going to accept it. Our realtor talked to theirs who talked to them and they said yes they would accept it. There is already a bid on the house but it is contingent on those people selling their house, so when we put the offer in they have 48 hours to either come up with the money or sell their house. So I am keeping my fingers crossed! Sorry its been a while! I've been busy and overwhelmed!

Feeling better

2007-04-23T09:58:00.000-04:00

Well Today I am feeling better. The weekend was good. I worked in the garden and got all the weeds up and the daffodils(to be re planted) And today it is supposed to rain so maybe it will be cool enough to plant my seeds... Yesterday it got up to 85'. Its nice that we have warmed up but I wish we would have had a few more days where it was "perfect" weather instead of going from cold to hot instantly. But oh well I'm not complaining. One thing I did want to add is that I started a baby pool and I'd love for you to take a guess!

Dear God,

2007-04-19T13:43:00.000-04:00

Why is it that when it rains it seems to pour? And even though some days the rain is worse than other days it never seems to stop sprinkling? I feel like I'm losing faith and I don't want to do that but I don't have too much to hang on to. My grasp is slipping. I know your here and that you love me but some days I cannot help thinking that you've forgotten about me. I'm here! Every day I'm here. Please I am begging you to rescue me from myself! Be my escape! Amen.

Jason is home, I need to RANT!

2007-04-17T20:00:00.000-04:00

Wow what a rough couple of days I've had! I have a few items I want to make for the crochet raffle I'm in so I decided to start on one today. I forgot how it helps me calm down. I guess thats what I get for trying to be the "perfect" mom. Just so you know.... ITS NOT POSSIBLE! *sigh* There are somethings in my life right now that I just CANNOT deal with. I am getting frusterated with them and I don't know exactly what to do, if there is anything I CAN do about it. This grey area of "not knowing" what is going to happen is killing me. Are we going to get the house or are we going to have to find something else? I'm so tired of people telling me what I need to do and NEVER listening. I am always the person that others depend on but no one is ever here for me. Most of the time its because their time is too important to waste on me. I haven't been away from my kids in MONTHS. Not all of them. Not for more than a few hours. At the most its from about 6 pm until around 11 am the next day. And there is only 1 person that will watch them for me. I have another person that will watch them for me in an emergency(when I have had to take one or the other to the dr or the hospital) but I don't feel comfortable asking her to watch them because she has kids of her own. I just need an escape. To run away for a while! I NEED A BREAK! Ok well I will talk to you later. Please please please pray that we get this house!

Monday 4-16

2007-04-16T18:18:00.000-04:00

Ok so I am feeling somewhat better today. The boys have been better behaved and my grams came over and helped keep an eye on them while I cleaned. I need to vaccuum but until I get mine unclogged I am going to have to just wait. I think Isaiah is going through something because Jason had been home for a month and then left and has been gone for almost a week. Other than that I can't think what his problem could be. He keeps getting into things and being NAUGHTY and when I repremand him for it he keeps saying "I don't like my daddy". I'm guessing the reason he is saying that is because he doesn't like his dad leaving him all the time. But what can I do?
My husband plays these "games" with me just to irritate me(he LOVES to irritate) and I am about to go over the edge. I can't handle all this stress with that added to it. I can barely handle it at all! *sigh* well good talk... I'll see ya again tomorrow!

Tired, hungry and yes still stressed

2007-04-15T14:28:00.000-04:00

Ug I am so hungry and don't want anything(ahhh the joys of being pregnant). My kids are driving me insane(flour all over your couch would make you feel the same way) And to top it all off my Vacuum cleaner ISN"T WORKING! AHHHHH! I am going to have to BROOM the crumbs off my carpet to the kitchen! That is SOOO much work! But God knows it has to be done! *sigh* Plus I have to finish my item for my crochet raffle and for the Mother's day exchange! I have NO clue what to make for the mother's day exchange :( oh well! Talk soon!

Scream!

2007-04-14T18:07:00.000-04:00

OH MY GOD! I am so stressed and humiliated to say why... So I'm not going to! *SIGH* What to do, what to do... Help! Ok well I am so tired I think that I am going to go lay down since the kids are asleep! HUGS!

Stressed

2007-04-13T22:03:00.000-04:00

Ug I feel like I have a million things going on in my life right now and I can't slow down! We are going to be moving soon so long as we get approved for this mortgage! Please keep us in your prayers! The kids are as crazy as ever(WE STILL LOVE THEM THOUGH! LOL!) I am tired because of the baby and at the same time I can't wait to feel it moving around inside me. I really hope its a girl although I get the feeling that its a boy. I want a girl not because I don't like boys believe me, I am thrilled to have 3 boys, but I want to be able to dress her in pink, and little dresses and play with dolls and do her hair and nails and when she's older go shopping! I am SOOO outnumbered! Ok well I REALLY gotta get these boys to bed!

Talk soon!